A client in one of my TeamUp Triad Coaching sessions told me that she just got a new boss that she didn’t like. She felt resentment and jealousy towards her because she had wanted that exact job herself, and now she didn’t know how to deal with the new boss. We have most likely all been there – I know I have! – having to interact with people that we dislike or find it hard to communicate with. The question is how can we be mindful and constructive when this happens?
A teacher once told me: If you really think you’re enlightened, go and spend a full month with your parents. So that’s what I decided to do…. I have been living as an expat for almost 10 years now in Europe, Africa and Asia. I generally visit my parents and home town once or twice a year. My parents still live in the house I grew up in in a small village in the South of the Netherlands.
A participant in one of my TeamUp Triad Coaching sessions was struggling because she would time and again find herself exploding in anger when talking and interacting with her family. It was very damaging to her marriage and to the relationship with her children. Maybe you too have experienced being overpowered by emotions so you weren’t able to communicate clearly?
Being happy…to what means? This is a question I got recently from a client. I guess he won the prize of being my most skeptical client I have ever experienced. He was also incredibly intelligent. I am sure his IQ beats mine big time…but that’s no surprise 🙂 But his IQ was not the problem. It was the Emotional equivalent that was virtually absent. The feedback from people around him was clear: “This guy is not in tune with his feelings, not able to make deep connections with clients or at home and work-life balance looked more like work-work balance…. “
Money is a sensitive subject, and in relationships money issues can be the cause of many arguments. This was the case for one of my recent clients. He was complaining about how he would always get into a fight with his wife when they were discussing money. He said she was always spending too much money, that she didn’t understand how to save money, and it seemed like she didn’t care about his efforts to save.
“Relax, drop any tensions, enjoy and don’t get attached to any goal”….It sounds like a life coaching session, but actually it’s my freediving instructor giving me the last cues before I go under water on a single breath….. There I am, floating on an ocean with a wetsuit, 1kg of weight on my belt and a diving mask. I am grabbing onto a little buoy in the water while taking a special set of breath cycles that my freediving instructor taught me that morning. I am about to go down on a single breath of air to deeper than 20 meters under sea level. Welcome to the sport of freediving….
A participant in one of my TeamUp Triad Coaching sessions was complaining about how difficult it was for her to visit her in-laws; she thought their house was too dirty and messy and couldn’t understand why they didn’t make an effort to keep it cleaner. Just the thought of visiting them made her feel uncomfortable. When we talked about it, she realized that she was making herself upset by expecting them to be in a certain way and imposing her idea of how clean a house should be onto them.
Suddenly I feel a funny sensation emerging from deep down in my belly. It’s not a frequent visitor, but I have heard people talk about it. I even listened to a powerful TED talk about it. It’s called shame…and it is arising right now while I am in a packed theatre in the centre of Singapore. I am attending an evening event on ‘mindfulness’ with big names like Dan Siegel, Trudy Goodman and Jack Kornfield.
With a hesitant smile, I just voluntarily signed a document to commit myself to 10 days of around 10 hours of silent sitting meditation a day. No talking, no phone, no writing, no reading, no eye contact or other distractions. As the teacher SN Goenka calls it: It’s time to tame the ‘wild elephant’ that we call the mind….