A client in one of my TeamUp Triad Coaching sessions told me that she just got a new boss that she didn’t like. She felt resentment and jealousy towards her because she had wanted that exact job herself, and now she didn’t know how to deal with the new boss.
We have most likely all been there – I know I have! – having to interact with people that we dislike or find it hard to communicate with. The question is how can we be mindful and constructive when this happens?
One way is by holding the person in a positive regard. This practice may seem challenging at first, and it is something we constantly have to revert to, but it can help to create a better connection – even with people who aren’t your favorite cup of tea.
We can cultivate holding someone in positive regard by recognizing the burden we all share of having developed a personality and patterns of behavior that we are not always aware of. We most likely trigger something in someone else with our own behavior sometimes! We can also be empathetic by remembering the times when we ourselves have been unaware, in pain or not had our own needs met.
In order to communicate with someone we need to be able to have a connection with him or her. And to establish a connection there needs to be some level of positive regard, respect or at least compassion. Our emotional feeling about a person is felt on a subconscious level and will taint the communication. If we really have trouble with a person we try to at least be compassionate towards them and this will allow us to connect and thereby communicate better.
OUR PRACTICE When someone is, in your opinion, behaving badly, recognize that they may be acting out of personal pain, unmet needs, or perhaps an absence of mindfulness. Try to separate their remarks and behavior from them as a person, and thereby suspend judgment. If negative judgment comes up anyway it’s ok, notice it and let it go. Then try to hold the other person in positive regard.
Co-founder of TeamUp
Find out more about TeamUp Triad Coaching and how to participate in one of our personal growth courses here.