Have you ever tried having a conversation with somebody where you didn’t really hear what the other person was saying? Perhaps you were caught up in a negative emotional state or you were ruminating about a coincidence that happened earlier that day. I know I have – and many of us experience disconnection if we don’t make a conscious effort to be present.
‘The biggest present you can give to someone is your presence’. Those are the words of Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, however what I have found in my own life is that it takes a conscious effort to give undivided attention to the people I love when spending time with them. The main thing that steals my attention in my relationship to my wife is technology. If I don’t stay mindful at home in the evening I will get distracted by my laptop, when what I really want is to spend time with her. To avoid this we had to set up a rule banning all technology after 9pm, and it really helped improve the quality of our interaction.
A participant in one of my TeamUp Triad Coaching sessions was struggling because she would time and again find herself exploding in anger when talking and interacting with her family. It was very damaging to her marriage and to the relationship with her children. Maybe you too have experienced being overpowered by emotions so you weren’t able to communicate clearly?
Money is a sensitive subject, and in relationships money issues can be the cause of many arguments. This was the case for one of my recent clients. He was complaining about how he would always get into a fight with his wife when they were discussing money. He said she was always spending too much money, that she didn’t understand how to save money, and it seemed like she didn’t care about his efforts to save.